Our appointment yesterday was overall pretty positive. Livia's heart continues to beat strong and her measurements are looking good. She hasn't shown any signs of stress and there has been no detection of brain damage. We are thanking God for his provision over Livia and praying for continued provision in the weeks ahead. The doctor has said that if there is no sign of brain damage or distress in the next 2 weeks this will be a good indication that she will not suffer any long term effects from Mia's death. It's going to be a long two weeks, so we need continued prayers for patience and healing! We continue to be hopeful!
We find ourselves torn between two very real, very different emotions. We continue to go from one extreme to another in a matter of moments and it is confusing, exhausting and horrifying. I have asked myself how can God be in this? over and over again, while moments later I ask myself how can God not be in this? It is, in fact, more comforting to know that God is in this and has been a part of this from the very beginning than to assume he wouldn't be a part of causing me so much pain. He is part of this pain and he sees my pain. We don't want to hear that God needed Mia in heaven or that she was too sweet for this world. We know that God does not need anything from us, including our children. He has all he needs, we just have the privilege of getting to be a part of his story. One day we'll have answers to our deepest hurts, or perhaps one day in the grand scheme of things our pain and suffering will make sense. For right now we do not try to make sense of it because we will exhaust ourselves again and again. 4 weeks ago I might have said that God has filled me up and given me a life that I could never have imagined. I had reason to praise him because he is so good. Today I can say that God has given me what I need and that is still a reason to praise him. He is still good and he is still love. Thank you God for the gift of faith. Without him we are hopeless.
We find ourselves torn between two very real, very different emotions. We continue to go from one extreme to another in a matter of moments and it is confusing, exhausting and horrifying. I have asked myself how can God be in this? over and over again, while moments later I ask myself how can God not be in this? It is, in fact, more comforting to know that God is in this and has been a part of this from the very beginning than to assume he wouldn't be a part of causing me so much pain. He is part of this pain and he sees my pain. We don't want to hear that God needed Mia in heaven or that she was too sweet for this world. We know that God does not need anything from us, including our children. He has all he needs, we just have the privilege of getting to be a part of his story. One day we'll have answers to our deepest hurts, or perhaps one day in the grand scheme of things our pain and suffering will make sense. For right now we do not try to make sense of it because we will exhaust ourselves again and again. 4 weeks ago I might have said that God has filled me up and given me a life that I could never have imagined. I had reason to praise him because he is so good. Today I can say that God has given me what I need and that is still a reason to praise him. He is still good and he is still love. Thank you God for the gift of faith. Without him we are hopeless.
11 comments:
Right on Amy!!!! We love you.
dadstroup
Hi Amy, Chris, Bill and Mary Lee,
We're grateful of encouraging signs that the baby will be okay, which is what we are all earnestly praying with you for.
We are still praying and will keep praying! Love you!
Amy, your strength and perspective in the Lord is amazing...continuing to pray for you, Chris and Micah your sweet baby girls.
So many loving thoughts and prayers are with you from all over the world as you grieve for baby Mia, and have every hope for baby Livia. It is so easy to look backwards or forwards and this can keep you in a state of fear, anxiety,and anguish. In times of great pain and turmoil, I feel most at peace when I can stay in each day, taking it one day at a time, and sometimes one moment at a time.
We are thinking of you daily and hold you dear in our hearts~
The Harper Family : Todd & Robin, Trent, Jacob, and Daniel
glad to hear more good news on Livia. will continue to pray for your FAITH and your HOPE.
the strength that you find in the Lord is BEAUTIFUL!
Hi Chris and Amy,
This is Aunt Danielle. Rob and I have been praying for Livia and are so glad that she is looking good. I am sure they feel she is better off growing inside than being delivered now. If need be they will deliver her quickly and she should do quite well at 29 weeks gestation, especially if you have had your steroid shot. That makes a huge difference. I never had the steroid shot and as a result Andrew struggled when he was born at 34 weeks. They were so eager to deliver him. My kidneys were failing and my blood pressure was too high so getting him out quickly was imminent. They told me that they thought he would be just fine because he was so big. He weighed 6 pounds but he needed the respirator for one week before he could breathe room air.
Most of my patients today get the shot and their premature babies, premies, are amazingly strong and breathing room air at much younger ages than 34 weeks. Girls also seem to be healthier premies than boys are.
I don't know if Bill told you but last week we had a patient who caring a baby boy to 38 weeks after having lost 2 of her triplets at 15 weeks. He is doing very well.
We will continue praying for little Livia.
Love, Aunt Danielle
We're praying for you through this difficult time. Your faith is an encouragement to us and to everyone that you will come in contact with over the next few months. Drew and Cindy
Amy and Chris, We are praying for ALL of you and thank God for your faithfulness. This is a difficult time but as you said, your faith will get you through. The Holy Spirit will continue to minister to the pain in your hearts. You are deeply loved and covered in prayer by many. Love, Bobbie (for Bob too - he's in Nepal)
Dear Amy and Chris, My heart aches at the sad news of the loss of baby Mia. You are in my prayers
that God will hold you close to his heart and comfort you with the constant sound of His heartbeat. I pray that you will soon experience the joy of the birth of a healthy new addition to your family. Know that I love you and am weeping with you. Love Aunt Ellen
david eastman kept me in the loop with everything you guys have going on right now. thanks for letting him pass that info along, and i'm thinking of and loving on you guys from new haven.
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