Our little Miracle

Well, I know everybody has been anxious to hear our story and I finally have a minute to sit down and write, so I will try to write as fast as possible to get it all out before Livie needs to eat again! It's been such a whirlwind this week, but Livie is doing awesome, even better than expected and we are rejoicing over her life!

I started having intense contractions last Thursday September 10 (see this post). I thought these were braxton hicks because they weren't regular and they weren't making my belly rock solid. These continued in about 1-2 hour intervals through Friday and they still weren't regular enough to be worried. I went in for a non stress test on Friday afternoon and no contractions showed up on the monitor after 20 minutes. After that I asked Chris if he would take me to chick-fil-a cause I had been craving it my entire pregnancy. Chick-fil-a is about a 30 minute drive, but he obliged. :)
On the way home I had another contraction but nothing regular. At 5:30 I started having regular contractions and began timing them. I had a few false alarms in the past so I wasn't too concerned. I thought I should just lay down and drink some water and rest, then they would go away. Chris took Micah down for dinner and I kept having contractions. I called the doctor and she said I needed to come in. Ugh, I thought. Another false alarm! As I started getting ready to go into the hospital (taking my time, haha!) I began to feel the contractions getting stronger and more frequent. I knew at that moment it was serious business down there I sort of panicked. . . .uh, where's my birth plan? What should I bring to the hospital? Where's the number for our doula?! We grabbed everything we could and made sure Micah was in good hands (thanks Mr. Ben!). By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were coming fast and furious. It felt really good to walk around, but by the time we got up to the labor and delivery floor I was in a little more pain. I was so freaked out that my delivery would have to happen at a different hospital and I wouldn't know anybody. I didn't want to go through this without a doctor I knew and I felt so stressed. As we walked into the labor and delivery floor I was shocked to see that MY doctor was on call. What? She's never on call when I come in here! I was so relieved to see her smiling face. And, I really like her b/c her name is Amy too. :) Great name, great person!
As the nurses got me set up in a bed to monitor the contractions I felt so blessed not to have to explain my difficult situation to anybody. My doctor knew everything that had happened and was well aware this could be Livia's bday.
After I got set up the doctor started her exam and I could tell from her face that this was it. She looked at me and said, "you're 5 cm and you're staying right here tonight." A wave of relief washed over me. If I was going to have these babies early I couldn't think of a better place or a better doctor to coach me through. They set us up in a labor room and we had to check to see if Livie's head was down. We nervously looked at the ultrasound and of course, she was head down and ready to come! I was so surprised and shocked! This meant I could have the natural birth I had wanted for so long. I was thrilled (and in pain)!
After she did the ultrasound I made a b-line for the bathtub. Ahhh sweet relief. But, not for long. Chris was so flustered. Trying to make phone calls, get our doula, etc, etc, etc! He kept asking if I wanted him there with me or if I wanted him to call my parents, the doula, check on Micah, etc. Too many things to think about! He had to hang up with people several times so he could coach me through some intense contractions. It was crazy fast! About an hour later the doctor said she wanted to check the progress. Progress was complete. I was totally dilated and it was time to welcome Livia Joy. Walking over to the bed was pretty intense. It took me quite awhile to get from point A to point B, but I eventually made it. Because Livie was so early we had a transport team from Mass General Hospital attend the birth to take her to the NICU right away (no NICU at the hospital I delivered at). My room was packed with quite a few peeps! They tried to stay behind the curtain to give me some privacy, which was nice.
At around 10:30pm I delivered Amelie Marie. She was a perfect little baby and we grieved so hard that moment. It took so much of our emotional and physical energy out of us. She was absolutely beautiful. About an hour later Livia Joy made her way into the world. It was extremely hard and I begged Chris for some pain medication, but he did a great job at keeping me calm and focused. He was a good distraction! She was so hard to birth because I had given up so much of my energy and focus on Mia's birth. Looking back I am thankful it was Amelie that came first. It gave me a reason to keep going. I wanted to celebrate the LIFE of my little Livia Joy and I was determined to find the energy deep down within me to get her out. At 11:47pm our little Livia was born and placed in my arms for a *very* brief moment. She was beautiful and I cried and cried. They had to whisk her away to the NICU shortly after that, but we were so happy she was healthy and breathing well. They didn't have to intubate her, which was awesome! After Livia was taken and after I was a bit more settled they brought our precious Amelie to us. She was wrapped in a beautiful pink blanket with a matching hat and we sat in awe of her beautiful features. 10 perfect little toes, 10 perfect little fingers, a perfect little nose, eyes, ears and mouth. Our hearts were completely shattered at that moment. Our pastor and his wife, along with our doula were able to share in this moment with us and we are so grateful. They wept with us over this life and embraced us through one of the darkest moments we've had. We are so thankful for their support. Amelie weighed 1 pound, 6 ounces and measured 12 inches long. She looked exactly like her sister in every way. It was unreal, but so special. We will cherish these moments forever. It was hard to see our little girl like this, but we wouldn't have it any other way. After some pictures, prayers and more tears they took her to the morgue and we went to the recovery area. Mandy, my dear friend (and Pastor's wife) stayed with me that night so that Chris could go visit Livie. It was a rough night, but in the morning I was able to go visit Livie to calm my fears. She was so beautiful in every way. Apart from the c-pap (a machine that shoots air into the mouth/nose to encourage breathing) she was doing amazing and of course, I cried again. :) I wasn't allowed to stay long b/c I needed to be careful about my own recovery. We went back to the hospital and a photographer from the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep took some beautiful photos of us with Amelie. I am sure we will treasure them for years to come. What a wonderful gift for grieving parents. Thanks to Kiernan at KCK photography, she's awesome!

We slept for awhile and tried to recover from the craziness of the past 24 hours. The next day my mom came to visit and we said goodbye to Amelie until heaven. It was tough, really tough. I gave her back to Jesus and felt instant peace. It was finished. The weeks leading up to this birth were intense (to say the least) and it was finally finished. I felt completely raw and a bit emotionless, but the stress was lifted and it felt good. We did it. We said hello to our little girl and goodbye to Mia in matter a few moments . Everybody at the hospital fully respected our wishes and we are so thankful for their encouragement and support.

The days since then have been a mix of grief and joy over and over again. Livia still looks a lot like Mia and it can be hard at times, but we are pushing through. She is the most beautiful thing and we are so blessed by her life. She is such a fighter and doing so well. All of the nurses think she's acting a lot older than she is. We should be able to take her home soon and we look forward to that special day. Livie was born 3 pounds, 14 ounces and 16 inches long. She is a tiny little life, but getting stronger every day.

This post is long. I will stop for now and post it before I need to go again. Please pray for continued strength for us as we run back and forth to the hospital and try to care for Micah, the house and ourselves. Grammy and Papa have been here helping us and we are so thankful they're here. What a relief to be able to visit Livie whenever we want and not have to worry about Micah! Thanks for your continued prayers and support. More updates as I have time!