48 Hours

Let me first say that we are so overwhelmed by the amount of love and encouragement we have received from everybody over the past 48 hours. We know that your prayers have strengthened us and given us hope for the future. Please continue to keep us in your prayers as it is hard for us to find the strength to pray on our own right now.

The past 48 hours have been a roller coaster of emotions for us and it is hard to describe the intense process we are facing. There are so many things to process through and "discover" as we prepare for the arrival of Livia and also prepare to say goodbye to Mia.

Wednesday night was sleepless and full of grief. I was grieving the loss of Mia and also the trauma that Livia suffered as a result of her death. It was hard to find any peace or joy in the midst of such circumstances. The amount of information we received was overwhelming and almost impossible to process in such a short amount of time. We had hundreds of questions to grapple through, many of which will probably never be answered. After speaking with 4 doctors the diagnosis seemed grim. I experienced a lot of panic and fear for Livia throughout the night and did not sleep a wink.

Thursday our good friends offered to take Micah for the day and give us some time as a couple to process and grieve. It was nice for us to get away from the house and drive around doing mundane things together; all the while thinking and expressing random thoughts as they came to mind.

Today has been a fairly good day for us. We've had moments of sadness and one moment of panic, but overall we feel very encouraged and cared for. My mom and dad are here now to take care of Micah (and us!) and we are feeling stronger. Chris and I went into the hospital to listen to Livia's heart and see how she is handling the stress of her sister's death. At first they couldn't find her heartbeat and we were in panic mode, but the nurse turned on the ultrasound and found her right away. She was beating strong and looking great! The nurse was kind enough to talk with us during the whole test and offer us words of encouragement and support. She sees this stuff on the monitor everyday and she said our little girl is showing positive signs of neurological development. The heartbeat was strong and Livia was moving around a lot. She said that babies who aren't developing neurologically usually retreat and sleep and don't move around a lot. So, she is looking good and looking healthy! This gives us great hope and we are so encouraged! It's hard to hear all the doctors tell you the worst case scenario because that's all you can think about. In this day and age they have to tell you everything that could happen in order to make sure you are completely informed. Though they have been very sympathetic, they are still required to tell you a lot of what could happen as a result of this. So, it was really good to get a different perspective! We are surprised by the amount of sympathy and compassion we have received from so much of the medical community at our hospital. What a blessing it is to have compassionate care!

I had a few neat realizations that I will share a little later. I will try to get some rest for now!