Lately I've been thinking about life in this tiny little apartment with one bedroom and two kids. 700 square feet in the city without a yard and busyness all around me. I talk with my family and friends that have houses with bedrooms and yards and quiet streets and I envy them. Yes, I said it, I'm envious. I want what they have. The simple pleasure of crawling into bed at night and being able to read with the lamp on is actually something I dream about doing one day! I also dream of watching my kids run around in a big yard building forts and digging in the dirt. One day, I want to park my car and walk through the back door into my kitchen. . . .instead of walking through my back door up three flights of stairs and then into my kitchen. I dream of having family within driving distance and spending long weekends together. I've come to realize that these little things that I wish for are simply unattainable right now. God has put where we are right now and it might not be the best place for our children. Sometimes God's glory and his purpose come before our children and what's best for them; I have to believe that and I have to trust that. And ultimately, in doing that, our children are getting what is best for them.
I have no doubt that we are where God wants us to be and that gives me peace to move forward, even when life feels cramped and busy with dinners every night and phone calls every hour and rooms to clean and bookkeeping to take care of and International Students to orient and the list goes on. . . . . .
This place we're at in life reminds me of our first year of marriage.
After graduating from college with a degree in Intercultural Studies, I wanted nothing more than to move overseas and serve in Thailand. I knew that Chris wanted to apply for graduate school and I had to put my desires on hold. It was hard to let go of my desire, but I knew God wanted me to. After a year of marriage, an opportunity came up to move to Thailand and (shockingly) Chris felt we needed to go. I couldn't believe God's perfect timing. I realized that my desire to be in Thailand was part of God's plan, but not before I could give it up and be content with where I was at.
I don't know that God will ever give us a big backyard and a house with plenty of room, but I do know that he wants me to be content with where I'm at. He is enough.
1 comment:
Thanks for sharing your heart, Amy. It's so interesting that we ALL struggle with being content. So many times I look at your blog and think, "geesh...it would be so nice to get rid of all the "stuff" that seems to consume us...simplify...and be together...teaching our kids what it means to serve others and put aside our desire for more." I love that when it all comes down to it, we are no different from one another...struggling with the same issues of where God has us and what He is trying to teach us. Praying that God helps grow and stretch us and helps us be the best we can be...right where HE has us.
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