A longing only God can fulfill. . . .

*I'm going to post a few reflections that I have been thinking about over the past few months that lead us up to today. I am not putting them into one post because it would just be too long and I only have short spurts of time!*

Oh how I have longed for a little girl! In losing my younger sister, I lost the experience of being a big sister and that has been painful in a way I can't describe. I didn't realize how strong this desire was until I got pregnant for the first time. I didn't want to admit it, but I really wanted a little girl. I knew in my heart that being a mommy to a little girl would not replace my experience of being a big sister, but the desire was there, nonetheless. My due date was April 4th and I remember thinking how "redeeming" it would be to have a little girl born to us on April 2nd, the day of Breanna's death. When we found out we were having a boy, I was confused. This didn't seem to line up with my idea of God's perfect plan for me. Through this experience God taught me a lot about expectations and trust. I realized how unhealthy it would be to put expectations on a human being that only God can fulfill. Eventually I came to a place of peace and God blessed us with a passionate little boy with an incredible zest for life! From this experience I learned to trust God with my desire for a little girl. Though the desire was still there, it was different, because it was now in God's hands.

Micah William, April 8th, 2007