Busyness. . . .

I think there is just no way around it. This time of year is just busy. Busy with holiday preparations, baking, decorating, etc.! Thankfully, Chris and I have learned in the midst of it all it is absoluately pertinent to take time out and care for ourselves and our souls. I had the opportunity to do just that on Tuesday morning. Oh how sweet it was. Alone with my thoughts and able to process more of life. As we continue to move forward and count our blessings, we are often reminded of the pain that is still so fresh. There is this constant nagging feeling that is hard to shake. Oftentimes it is easy to ignore and continue one with the day, but sometimes it hits you. . . .like a ton of bricks and most definitely without warning.

The other day I put a Cubs shirt on Livia. Chris had bought two Cubs shirts while in Chicago shortly after we found out about the twins. After I put the shirt on her I looked up to see Chris' eyes fill up with pain. My heart sank as I remembered what could have been. What should have been. As we both sat there in dreaded silence, the reality of it hit once again. The reality that our deep sadness that is so overwhelming and paralyzing at times is also wrapped up in our deep joy that compels us forward. I'm not sure I like to have the two connected. But, they are. And, they will be. . . . .for the rest of our lives. Like it or not.

God, we are still confused. We still trust you. And, we still know that you are faithful.