The Stroups

1 month

2012-02-05T10:58:00.000-05:00

February 3, 2012

Calvin [and Hobbes]

This little guy is 1 month old today! He is gaining weight like a champ, learning to sleep for longer periods of time and figuring out how to be in the same room with two energetic siblings!

Micah and Livia LOVE him, they ask if they can hold baby Calvin every day. Any time I put him down, they rush over with all kinds of musical toys to entertain him, which is probably why at the end of the day he starts fussing and won’t stop until I put him in a dark room with a noisemaker by his ear. He is really a good sport about it all – seriously, the kid could sleep through a war zone!

Calvin's face says it all. . .

This time passes so quickly, I know. I try so hard to slow down and take it in; here are a few favorites:

Calvin loves to sleep with his little hand up by his face. He did it in the womb, and he still does it today.

I love how newborns want to be close. Calvin would be happy to ride in the sling all day long, nestled against my body. I appreciate that and I try to do it often because I know that one day he will be a little boy on the run with little time to cuddle.

Snorts all. day. long. This isn’t really a favorite because it keeps me awake at night, but on the plus side I never have to feel his back just to make sure he’s still breathing!

He holds his pacifier in place; never mind the fact that it is half the size of his face!

This boy is well loved and we are definitely getting used to having him around!

Happy 1 month baby Calvin!

side note:

after taking a few 1 month shots of Calvin Livia says, "mama? can you take my picture?"

Of course baby girl, i'll take your picture.

Calvin's Birth Story

2012-02-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

I was lying there in the dark room, finally able to focus for a moment when it hit me. The room was identical to the room I was in 2 years ago while giving birth to my twin girls. I thought about this and I even expected this might happen ahead of time; really, it had been happening this whole pregnancy – appointments, ultrasounds and visits to the hospital would conjure up painful memories of loss and disappointment. Anything that seemed out of the ordinary would bring up doubt and fear that this baby too, would not make it to the end of the third trimester. Yet somehow this moment was different. This moment I felt my heart aching in a way it hadn’t for a long time. This moment was full of tangible memories. Memories like feeling her cold body against my chest, kissing her wrinkled face, and grasping her tiny little fingers in mine.

A few hours earlier we were at Target and I started having contractions. They were really painful and I think I might have embarrassed my dear, sweet husband a little bit as I used the shopping cart to brace myself and make my way down the aisles. By the time we got home, walked up two flights of stairs and came in to our apartment, I was pulling out all my focus tactics and I might have embarrassed my dear, sweet husband again with my horse lips.

The back labor didn’t start right away. Somewhere in the middle of it all Calvin must have gotten wedged in to my backside and we were at a standstill. 3 hours later we were in the same place, but the back labor was excruciating. At that point we knew from experience where this was all headed and decided it was best to have a c-section. Unfortunately, we had to wait for another c-section to finish up before we could get started.

I was barely hanging on to my sanity when the drilling started to get to me. Yes, the drilling. Apparently there was some construction going on below us and it sounded like they were drilling in my room. In. My. Room. At this point each and every contraction felt like my body was being torn apart and it took every last ounce of focus to get through them. The drilling would either start in the middle of a contraction, completely destroying my focus, or after a contraction, thus startling me in to another contraction.

It was around that time that all of my physical and emotional pain came crashing down and my sanity went out the window. I cried really hard for a minute and then I started to panic because you can’t cry when you’re in that sort of pain; it will most definitely make matters much worse. . . . .and, it did. . . .and, so I stopped.

Giving birth to the twins was perfect and beautiful in so many ways; it was also tragic and painful. I imagined Calvin’s birth might be a perfect and beautiful birth without the pain and tragedy, I imagined it would be average, typical and even easier. . . . .

I imagined wrong. And, I learned a lot about dreams, hopes and expectations – again.

It is often through experiences like these that I remember I have great treasure and it is the only kind of treasure that will ever give me true joy, freedom and beauty in life. It is also through these experiences that my longing becomes greater and my heart grows a little bigger.

Though my pain in life will never seem right or fair, it will always have purpose. May I never stop experiencing circumstances that draw me closer, drive me deeper, and force me stronger into the arms of Jesus.

Happy Birthday Calvin. We love you so much already.

Baby Calvin

2012-01-26T21:55:00.000-05:00

Oh how we love him. . . . .

When I get the chance I'm going to write down his birth story and my reflections because I want him to be able to read about it one day and see how his birth has changed me.

So we had a baby. . . .

2012-01-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to catch up a little bit here so that I have something to show for the last few months, but I'm going to take a break and write about our newest little Stroup. Calvin Palm joined our family on January 3rd, 2012,weighing in at 8 pounds 3 ounces and 20 inches long! Yes, he is a BIG boy. Especially considering my last child was just under 4 pounds at birth. . . . . .

It was a long and difficult process bringing this sweet boy into the world, but he's here and he's healthy and we are all so very thankful to have him in our arms.

Chris's dad took this photo the day I went in to labor. I guess all you need to do is give your baby an eviction notice and they'll make their way out. :)

Below are a few last belly shots we took. . . .

Last pic as a family of four!

Swimming

2012-01-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

We enrolled the kids in swimming classes this semester, which is new for Livia. She found quite a love for the sport and will definitely be taking classes again in the near future! This picture isn't great, but it's worth posting for the sake of documenting her first swimming experience.

I still can't believe how much she loves the water! She would jump out of my arms if I let her!

November

2012-01-25T21:25:00.000-05:00

Chris was out of town for a few days before Thanksgiving so Grammy flew in from Colorado to help out with the kids.

Micah made a gingerbread house with grammy and it took a whole lot of will power not to eat all that candy sitting in front of him. I think he lost interest about half way through the building process, but grammy pressed on and made a beautiful little gingerbread house!

Getting ready to build. Grammy has all the directions spread out and made sure to read them through before starting (a trait I most certainly did NOT inherit!)

Lining up the candies in perfect order

Livia enjoyed putting a few gumdrops on the house

. . . . ..and sat patiently waiting for her turn

final touches

Halloween 2011

2012-01-25T20:06:00.000-05:00

Seriously. Where does all the time go? It's been way too long since I've blogged and I just have to start with Halloween.

Capt' Jack Sparrow gives the leopard kitty a ride on his trike.

A little camera shy

Typical Micah (I don't ever look at the camera) face and a not amused little sister.

Micah made a great pirate!

Pig tails

2012-01-06T12:14:00.000-05:00

October 26, 2011
Livia's hair is officially long enough for pig tails. It's so cute I can barely handle it!

My Conductor

2011-10-28T14:10:00.000-04:00

This post is for Grammy. I turned on the music and she just started conducting, looks like she's ready to take some piano lessons!

28 weeks

2011-10-18T20:01:00.000-04:00

I had an ultrasound today and baby is looking good! He's moved into the head down position and is measuring in the 50th percentile. It was fun to get an idea for how he is positioned because I am feeling some pretty interesting movements and now I can picture what he's doing!
Yesterday I actually had somebody ask me if I was going to deliver soon. That is the second person to ask. Really? Please. You have no idea how much this body is capable of. Remember this? Now that is a belly ready to pop! We are just getting started at 28 weeks. Let the final countdown begin!

Usually ultrasounds aren't given at this stage in pregnancy, but I had a low lying placenta and they wanted to be sure it moved up for delivery (it has). It was actually a huge relief to be able to see our little guy and know that he is healthy and looking great. A lot of my fears have been put to rest after seeing him and after making it through the 27th week. I feel pretty relaxed for the first time this week (not sayin' it's going to stay that way, but it's pretty nice!) and I'm sure it has to do with being able to see that everything is great thus far.

Now it's time to start thinking about names. . . . .

corn

2011-10-16T18:03:00.000-04:00

Every mom needs a little keep your toddler busy activity. When Micah was Livia's age I filled up an under the bed storage bin with rice and gave him some measuring cups to play with. I remembered this the other day when I was trying to get some important admin work done and thought how nice it would be to have such a thing right now.

So, I decided to make a Fall themed sensory experience and it turned out to be a really big hit! I found some amazing ideas from pinterest and just went from there.

We happened to be in a small farming town for the weekend and I picked up some chicken feed to fill the bin up.....50 pounds of chicken feed is all they had! So, just let me know if you need some chicken feed and I'll hook you right up!
The kids have been asking for corn every day since we put it together. It's so fun to pour and mix and measure.

I ended up making one for Micah's preschool class and apparently it's been very popular! Micah's teacher told me that kids were lining up to play with it and the best part was how much pride Micah took in it.

Such a fun and easy Fall project!

baking with kids

2011-10-14T07:38:00.000-04:00

The other day we were running some errands as a family and Chris turned on one of our favorite radio programs. The topic of the day was discipline and spanking and the discussion about expectations really got me thinking. The host used an example of a parent getting frustrated with their toddler while reading because they wanted to flip through the pages instead of listening to every word and carefully looking over every picture. The point being that our expectations as parents can often hinder a good learning experience. This was a reminder to me that children do not learn in the same way adults learn and it is important to allow them the space and time to take in the world their own way.

I thought about this for my own life and the one thing that immediately came to mind was baking. Micah is constantly in the kitchen watching everything I do and eagerly waiting to offer a helping hand. I usually try to bake with him once a week, but my tendency is to really control the situation and when he starts adding the wrong amounts of flour or there is a little bit of egg shell left in the bowl I swoop in and send him off to play. It's terrible. . . . .I know. I'm so concerned with the way something is going to taste and totally oblivious to the fact that he is learning and growing and taking in life.

So I decided to just go for it. Forget about expectations and taste and outcome.

(Micah thinks the mixer is too loud)

We had fun pouring and mixing and cracking eggs. . . . . .

And apparently it tasted really good, because swiper swiped as soon as she had the chance!

And, I can't say that I could have done any better baking these by myself.

I guess it's not so bad to relinquish control every once in awhile. . . .

this girl

2011-10-10T21:14:00.000-04:00

Absolutely ADORES her daddy. When daddy comes home she will drop everything to rush to his side and get some good "nuggles" (snuggles); a daddy's girl through and through. . . .

Her favorite answer to any question is NO and "I don't mun it." (I don't want it)

She has quite the little personality. Lately she will come up to me and say, "Mama, can you help me?" with whatever she needs help with. It's so sweet.

She's like a sponge, soaking in every little word, gesture and action. You can pretty much guarantee that whatever her big brother is doing she will be right there doing it along side of him. . . . and repeating every. word. he. says.

She melts my heart.

I love her so!

happy birthday

2011-10-06T20:28:00.008-04:00

Love of my life!

rainy days

2011-09-30T17:05:00.000-04:00

This boy loves the rain.

Rainboots. Rainforest umbrella (compliments of Papa and Grammy). What could be better?

Any excuse to bring out the umbrella.

Even if the excuse is that he needs a divider up in the car between him and his sister.

I'm glad I have him around to remind me just how magical rain can be.

She makes the rain pretty fun too!

goodbye pacifier

2011-09-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

This week, Livia sent her beloved pacifier to ~~the trash can~~ another baby that needed it and she is doing great thus far! We've had a few cry fests over it and bedtime isn't quite as easy as it once was, but the pacifier is out of the picture and her teeth will thank her for it! I still can't believe how quickly she's turning in to a little girl. So long pacifier, you've served us well for 2 years!

25 weeks

2011-09-27T19:53:00.001-04:00

I am now officially in my 25th week of pregnancy. There are days I think the time is flying by and there are days that are long and every little cramp or contraction MUST be a sign of something going wrong. I guess all the fear and concern is just going to be a part of me until the end.

It's funny to look at this photo because I really don't feel as big as I look. Though, I've felt a significant amount of growth over the past 2 weeks for sure! I thought I was having a boy from the start and as you can see, my cheeks are starting to prove it! For some reason my face was the first thing to get bigger in my pregnancy with Micah and for this pregnancy it is no different.

Both Micah and Livia are anxious to meet the boy. They talk to my belly, give it kisses and rub it all day long. I'm pretty sure baby boy can hear them now because he usually jumps around at the sound of their voices. I don't think he'll have any problems keeping up with these two - seems like he's moving constantly - which has been reassuring for my nerves!

15 weeks to go!

funny story. . . .

2011-09-20T10:23:00.000-04:00

So yesterday we get home from the grocery store and I ask Micah to run up the stairs and check in the living room for any guys that could help me bring the groceries upstairs. He's gone for quite some time and I am thinking he got distracted. Oh well, 8 bags of groceries, one little tot on the hip and one baby in the belly. I can do this. Just as I'm getting ready to take the first load up the stairs I hear Micah come downstairs with one of our residents, Sam, and I am so relieved.

The funny part about this story is that Micah couldn't find anybody on the first floor...or the second floor...or the third floor. He finally found Sam brushing his teeth in the bathroom on the fourth floor and asked him to come all the way down to help me. Now that's a child dedicated to his mission! Later that evening he prayed that God would make mommy better soon. Perhaps I'm being a little overly dramatic about how big my belly is getting and how hard it is to chase two kids around with the extra poundage! ha. Sorry buddy, we've still got 3 months left!

Big brother

Livie did it. . .

2011-09-15T20:11:00.000-04:00

Lately Micah's answer to everything is "Livie did it."
So when I ask him how he got a little chunk of hair taken out of his backside he responds with "Livie did it."

Ok buddy. I'm not sure you could have done this, so i'll take your word for it.

the gift of new life

2011-09-14T15:39:00.000-04:00

I've caught myself feeling anxious and cynical a lot lately. I really don't want to think about what could go wrong, but there are days I just can't stop myself. I go there and it's not pretty; I panic and the fear sets in and I imagine the worst.

The other day I went for a nice long walk around the river by myself to think and pray and be silent.

After a few minutes it hit me: this baby is special. This baby wouldn't be here if it weren't for Mia. Though this baby will never replace her or fill the void she left behind, it is comforting to think about God's sovereignty in it all. Had Mia been with us today, this life would most likely not exist.

Things would have been very different and I continue to grieve that loss. But I'm thankful for what I've gained.
And, did I mention the baby is a boy?
We love him already.

2 years!

2011-09-11T21:57:00.001-04:00

Sweet Livia.
Today you turned 2!
You are absolutely beautiful. My sweet baby girl has suddenly become a 2 year old!

How did that happen?
I love the way you make me work to get you to smile.

I love the way you adore your daddy and always seek me out for comfort.

I love the way you delight in your big brother and copy his every move.

I love your giggles, your moods and your touch. I am proud to be your mama; I am blessed to have you here with me. The other day I made you cupcakes for your birthday; you found one and didn't hesitate to help yourself. Oh lover of chocolate you make me smile!

You add a lot to this family. . . . .

We set a special table for you today with fine China and teacups.

Your favorite part of the day was the "boons" . . . .

We sent the white balloon off in Mia's memory. Micah waved goodbye and you sat with daddy and watched it drift away.

You are so very special to us, sweet Livia.
Happy Birthday Pumpkin!

Illinois

2011-08-30T09:29:00.000-04:00

Recently we took a trip to Illinois to visit the Stroup family and we had a great time visiting Chicago (sans kiddos!) and relaxing with the whole fam! It was great to see everybody and especially get the cousins together again! I had to steal all these photos from Chris's dad because I didn't take very many! He captured some great moments. And, I will probably have to do a post about Chicago separately, because there are too many great photos!

Livia at the japanese gardens

Breakfast at the Stockholm Inn with my sis-in-laws! (hello belly, getting bigger!)

Micah, embracing the midwest farmer look

3 kids in the back of Grandpas car!

Uncle Paul's biggest fans

Micah and Ellie play horseshoes with the boys

Sweet cousin moment

Finally, a family photo that turned out nice!

Washington

2011-08-29T12:10:00.001-04:00

This is where we are staying for the week. It's quiet and peaceful and just what we need.

Micah can't get enough of the backyard garden. . .

And Livia is happy to be dirty and wet, basking in the sunshine

I need to be better about blogging. The kids are growing up way too fast, I can hardly keep up!

More pics of family vacations to come!

Superman

2011-08-13T17:04:00.001-04:00

Sorry son, but I just can't take you seriously in your homemade super mask!

You make a great superman though!

long overdue

2011-07-22T18:04:00.000-04:00

So it's been way too long since I've posted and I'm trying to think of why. I think this should explain it:

Morning sickness all day

exhausted by 10am

emotional break downs every day.

anxious. anxious. anxious.

We've made it past the first 15 weeks and all is well. This baby is healthy and I just saw his/her little heart beating last week! We are thrilled to add another baby to our family, but also anxious about pregnancy and what the future holds (or, maybe I'm just anxious about pregnancy and what the future holds?!). Every day is a choice to trust God's sovereign plan for us and for this baby.

It's hard going back to my doctor and remembering only grief. The same hospital, the same exam rooms, the same ultrasound technician. Ugh. Life goes on and it's all the same to them, but we haven't forgotten. The memories are fresh and they hurt. My heart races until I hear that tiny heart inside of me beating even faster and then the relief washes over me.

I'm already holding on tight. I'm holding and trusting and believing that this baby will be ours. But there's something deep inside of me that pushes me to hold, trust and believe in something more. It is his and it's not about me. To him be the glory.

warning

2011-06-09T13:43:00.001-04:00

Do not leave child unattended with hummus in hand!

enjoying the sun

2011-06-08T16:26:00.001-04:00

Enjoying a little afternoon sun on the roof.

this is why

2011-06-02T11:26:00.001-04:00

This is why I don't get anything done anymore. You stop watching them for one minute and all your post-it notes are in the toilet!

Another year at 386 Marlborough

2011-06-02T09:18:00.000-04:00

Lately I've been thinking about life in this tiny little apartment with one bedroom and two kids. 700 square feet in the city without a yard and busyness all around me. I talk with my family and friends that have houses with bedrooms and yards and quiet streets and I envy them. Yes, I said it, I'm envious. I want what they have. The simple pleasure of crawling into bed at night and being able to read with the lamp on is actually something I dream about doing one day! I also dream of watching my kids run around in a big yard building forts and digging in the dirt. One day, I want to park my car and walk through the back door into my kitchen. . . .instead of walking through my back door up three flights of stairs and then into my kitchen. I dream of having family within driving distance and spending long weekends together. I've come to realize that these little things that I wish for are simply unattainable right now. God has put where we are right now and it might not be the best place for our children. Sometimes God's glory and his purpose come before our children and what's best for them; I have to believe that and I have to trust that. And ultimately, in doing that, our children are getting what is best for them.
I have no doubt that we are where God wants us to be and that gives me peace to move forward, even when life feels cramped and busy with dinners every night and phone calls every hour and rooms to clean and bookkeeping to take care of and International Students to orient and the list goes on. . . . . .

This place we're at in life reminds me of our first year of marriage.
After graduating from college with a degree in Intercultural Studies, I wanted nothing more than to move overseas and serve in Thailand. I knew that Chris wanted to apply for graduate school and I had to put my desires on hold. It was hard to let go of my desire, but I knew God wanted me to. After a year of marriage, an opportunity came up to move to Thailand and (shockingly) Chris felt we needed to go. I couldn't believe God's perfect timing. I realized that my desire to be in Thailand was part of God's plan, but not before I could give it up and be content with where I was at.

I don't know that God will ever give us a big backyard and a house with plenty of room, but I do know that he wants me to be content with where I'm at. He is enough.

Walking!

2011-06-01T07:00:00.000-04:00

I've been meaning to post this for quite some time now! Livia Joy took her very first steps on April 1! Her lack of walking has been a bit of a concern for me for quite some time, so it was wonderful to see her take some steps!

Since then we have discovered that her stomach muscles are a little weak, which makes it difficult to walk. A weak stomach is common in preemies and she will easily overcome this obstacle with a little physical therapy. I guess it's nice for me to know there is a good reason for her uncertainty with walking. It also makes me less anxious about getting her to walk.
We had our first physical therapy appointment last week and she had a great time. She's been (timidly) walking all through the house ever since! The physical therapist thinks she just needs a little jumpstart to get those muscles working.
We're well on our way!
Here is a short video of her for real first steps! I can't believe Chris got it on video!

(my favorite part is when she takes Micah's shoe and indignantly throws it from her path!)

The Grammy

2011-05-31T07:00:00.004-04:00

My mom was able to squeeze in a quick visit at the beginning of May, which was lots of fun, despite the fact that we ALL got hit by the stomach bug for 24 hours. . . .my mother included! I don't have all my pictures with me, but I thought this one was sweet.

I can't believe how quickly my little girl is growing! She is starting to look more like a toddler every day.

Mother's Day

2011-05-30T10:45:00.002-04:00

The month of May has flown by (as usual). I have a lot of stuff to write about with so little time. Ah well. I'll try my best!
Mother's Day was so much fun this year! Micah was so excited to give me something special that was made at school. It was a sweet little gift and I can't describe how much joy it brings me to get something made by him, even if it's out of cardboard and construction paper. I never understood why my parents loved the handmade gifts so much. Now I know. I think the best part was the anticipation of giving the gift. Micah could not wait to give me my gift and his little eyes just lit up when he handed it to me.

Not the greatest photo of us, but you can see the proud look on Micah's face and that says it all. I got flowers from my sweet boy on Mother's Day!

We were blessed to have Chris's mom visiting for Mother's Day too! We took her out for a brunch at our favorite breakfast spot and then headed over to the Arboretum to see the beautiful flowers in bloom! Here are a few pics from that.

Would have been a better picture if the sun hadn't been so bright here!

I don't know what I'm doing with the knee pop. Just go with it.

I got to finish off the evening with these two lovely Mamas! They will both be leaving Boston (one to Los Angeles and the other to Madison, WI) and they will be greatly missed!

These are two of my first girlfriends in Boston and they took me in as one of their own. Whatever will I do without them?

That about sums it up! Mother's Day was a wonderful celebration this year and I look forward to many more!

I'm pumped.

2011-05-08T14:24:00.000-04:00

Wednesday morning I'm boarding a plane with this little guy and we're heading to California to visit my sister. What he doesn't know is that his cousin, Maddie will be there waiting for him! What he also doesn't know is that we'll be spending two of those days at Disney.
I love surprises.
Hopefully he loves them as much as I do!

When Chris goes to Turkey, we call in the reinforcements

2011-05-07T21:04:00.000-04:00

I was looking through my pictures and realized I didn't mention anything about the week that Chris was in Turkey and my best friend Corrie came in for reinforcements. It's a little easier to care for the kids for 10 days when you have a little help. Thank goodness for this lady!

We ate. A lot.

At Charlie's Kitchen devouring some steak sandwiches and tomato soup!

We road tripped. Kind of a blast from the past, if you will.

Hello Vermont. It's April, didn't you get the memo?

Who cares about snow when you get to visit the King Arthur Flour Company? Micah was a little scared of the Knight, but we managed one cautious pic.

We baked. A lot. We pretty much worked our way through Joanne Chang's Flour cookbook. Lots of great stuff in there!

Brioche, Sticky Sticky buns, Boston Cream donuts! Good thing we did Jillian's circuit every morning. Chris was quite disappointed to hear that we baked all these delicious treats while he was out of the country, but what can I say? It's what we do when we get together!

My kids will definitely miss having Corrie around. What a huge treat! Come back soon!

on meltdowns and trusting God

2011-04-23T06:48:00.008-04:00

Micah had a really rough day last week. He completely melted down at several points throughout the day and I found myself feeling very frustrated and defeated by his behavior. I kept thinking what happened? Why is my son acting out in ways that he hasn't for months? We have worked so hard on these negative behaviors and he has come so far over the past few months......he's not this child, what is going on?

After a few frustrating meltdowns I realized Micah had spent the night throwing up two nights ago. Then I remembered how your sleep doesn't really affect you until two days later. We stayed home and watched movies the day after Micah was sick, but we ventured out to get things done the very next day. Big mistake! He still needed some time to recover and I hadn't realized it.

This parenting-a-4-year-old stuff can get pretty overwhelming sometimes! There is so much about this little 4 year old stage that I absolutely love (the independence, the new levels of understanding, the learning), but there is also so much I am challenged by.

I try to keep it all in perspective (I'm really going to miss this someday!) and also remember these truths:

Sometimes it's just out of my control.

There are days when my child's behavior is obnoxious; this is simply part of growing up. My child is not always going to behave while we are out and I have to be ok with that. Relax. Take a deep breath and always have a consistent plan.

God changes the heart and I need to trust him with that.

I can teach my children everything I know about trusting God and living life with him, but I also have to allow God to do what he will do, in his timing. I have to trust that God is with my children when I can't be. He sees it all and his process can take longer than I want it to sometimes, but ultimately, the process belongs to him and I have to trust him with that.

Love first, then act.

Lately I've been trying to remind myself first how much I love my children before I respond to them. Sometimes I can be abrupt or harsh when I don't choose to respond through the framework of love. Sure, there are times when I need to be firm or even abrupt, but if I take two seconds to think about love, my reaction (and their response) is usually a little different.

I want to trust God with my kids and trust that he will use me in their lives to accomplish his work. Part of our liturgy on Sunday mornings goes like this, ".....give us courage, patience and wisdom as we bring them up. . . "

I love that part. It makes it all about how much we rely on the power of Christ in us to parent our children, which points us back to the most important thing about life: loving God.

Pirate Party!

2011-04-22T20:39:00.001-04:00

Micah chose the theme of his party this year and it was pirates! He has recently developed a real interest in all things pirate and even told a friend of ours the other day that he's "really in to pirates right now." So, we made a pirate ship out of the wagon and hid some treasure up on the roof. Chris was in charge of the treasure hunt, which was a big hit!

We had a little family party beforehand with Micah's favorite breakfast and family gifts. Livie was a great helper during the present opening!

Here's a picture of Micah with all his loot from us and the extended family, wearing the birthday hat they made for him at preschool! We barely made it to 7am on his birthday. He was just too excited to wait!

Arg! My little pirates are ready to party!

Pirate boat with hidden treasure!

We were so thankful the weather was amazing that day! We were able to celebrate up on the roof (and haven't been up there since b/c it's been so cold and rainy!) complete with a treasure hunt!

Livia was pretty happy hunting for treasure!

My 4 year old. Still can't believe it!

The pirate cake!

Happy Birthday Micah!

enjoying some pb&j

2011-04-20T07:50:00.002-04:00

Peanut butter face

Happy Birthday Micah!

2011-04-12T21:39:00.002-04:00

Dear Micah,

This weekend we celebrated your 4^th birthday! It is always hard to believe another year has come and gone! Just this week I noticed that when I look at you, your face looks so grown up. All of your “babyness” has faded away and you’ve turned into a little boy! When I looked into your eyes this morning and said with a dramatically sad face, “where did my baby boy go?” you responded with, “I’m your four year old boy now, but I will still give you hugs!” you then gave me a great big hug and said I could still call you peanut as long as I called you my four year old peanut.

You love being a family and often ask if we can all sit on the couch or on the bed together and “be a family.” You will sit there for a while and bask in all the love before you. It brings us so much joy to see you take pleasure in the simple act of being together! One of your favorite things to do right now is the peanut butter jelly sandwich: daddy and mommy are the bread, you are the peanut butter and Livia is the jelly.

You started preschool this year and have absolutely loved it! Every day you come home with a huge smile on your face and a new piece of artwork. You’ve become so independent this year! I love hearing you sing songs and make up stories while playing by yourself.

You are an extremely social boy and love spending time with the guys at the IFH. Every night after dinner you walk around the table and ask each of the guys if they want to play a game with you. You usually find one guy that has some free time and you play downstairs in the hallway for a good ½ hour before heading upstairs for your bath.

You love to sing! My all time favorite singing moment thus far has been during Church when you sang "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again" so LOUD that the entire congregation turned around to look at us!

You are very cautious and sensitive to those around you. It has been a hard year for us as a family and you have learned that mommy needs “medicine” (hugs) when she’s sad. You are compassionate and tender hearted. I pray these characteristics continue to grow with you through the years as you mature into adulthood.

This week I’ve been taking you in; trying to memorize your sweet little face and the way you delight in your life. I love you so much and I can’t imagine life without you in it. You are truly a gift and we delight in you!

Happy Birthday, my sweet little 4 year old!

I Love you forever,

Mama

13 years

2011-04-02T07:00:00.003-04:00

Sweet little sister.

It’s been 13 years and I miss you just the same.

It always takes me by surprise and hits me all at once. One minute I think I’m okay and then all of a sudden it comes crashing down and I can hardly breathe.

This past month I have been walking around with this dull ache in my chest and I haven’t taken much time to think about it. My heart knows what’s coming and my body is starting to grieve your loss. I should know this by now.

I think about all these years of holding this grief and sorrow and I am struck by the way it has colored my world and infiltrated the depths of my soul.

The pain has become a part of me. I realized a long time ago that I was never going to let go of the pain of losing you, because that pain was a symbol of my deep love for you.

There are still days I cry with the same intensity as the day that you died and I am shocked. I can’t understand how the pain can still be so immense after all these years. I cry out to God for mercy and he cries with me. I feel him enter my soul and experience the burden of my pain. He is right there with me, holding my heart in his hands and it feels so good to be there.

It’s grace, it’s mercy, breathing life into my soul and healing the darkest parts of me.

I know that my relationship with God is real and oftentimes very tangible. I am thankful he draws near and gives me glimpses of himself that are indescribable. But truthfully (selfishly)? I would give it all back to you have you here. The irony of it is that I wouldn’t want to be the me that I was before your death. I would want to be the me that I am because of your death.

13 years come and gone. I miss you just the same.

the view from here

2011-03-27T13:44:00.002-04:00

This makes 6 mile runs easy!

feed your mother

2011-03-26T23:09:00.001-04:00

A word about your mother.
If you take from your sponge you should feed your sponge so you don't have to start all over again.
Our original recipe called for 3/4 cup water and 1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour. So, mix that up and add to it every time you take from it!
Happy bread making!

peanut

2011-03-25T16:29:00.002-04:00

We're riding in the car and Micah asks me a question.
me: what did you say baby?
Micah: Mama, I'm not a baby anymore.
me: oh right. Sorry buddy. Sometimes I feel like you're still my little baby. Can I still call you peanut?
Micah: yeah mama, I'll always be your peanut.

I'm really gonna miss these days. I can't ever have them back. Better savor. every. moment.

I love my little peanut.

go make some bread part iv

2011-03-25T16:12:00.006-04:00

This is it! Your loaves should be nice and full now! Turn up the oven and let it preheat to 500 degrees. Make sure it is preheated before you put the bread in there! Stick a pan that has a rim in the lower rack while you're at it! This will be used for water to create a steamy environment for the bread to really rise.

Look at those perfect little balls of dough. Now give them a big slash across the top. Or two or three. Whatever you want here. Just make sure you slash so it has enough rising power.

Now stick your bread in the oven and shut the door. Grab 2 cups of water and pour it in the lower pan and quick! shut the door!

Set your timer for 35 minutes and wait for the smell to fill up your whole house. Check on your bread after 35 minutes and if it is dark golden brown you can take it out and let it cool on a rack. I've also allowed it to cool on the pan and that's ok too. The bottom of your bread should make a hollow thump noise when it is done.

Let it cool for about an hour and then savor the goodness.

go make some bread part III

2011-03-25T10:19:00.000-04:00

So, how do your little dough balls look?
Something like this, I presume??

look at all those nice pockets of air!

They might be a little misshapen after their night of beauty sleep in the fridge. Don't worry about it. Just flour your hands up and tuck and fold once again until you have a nice little taut ball of dough.

Place them on a floured baking sheet (at least 3 inches apart) and then cover them loosely but completely with some plastic wrap, I also place a towel over the top. Make sure you sprinkle a little flour on top to avoid sticking (it's always a good idea to flour/oil the dough to avoid sticking in each step). Give them a few more hours of beauty sleep (say 2-3) until they have loosened up and seem relaxed. You will see some bubbles start to form under the surface as it proofs.

I think I said this would be 3 posts long. I guess it will be more like 4 steps.

You're almost finished! One step closer to shoving your face with warm steamy, delicious bread! Keep your chin up! Tonight is the night!

go make some bread part II

2011-03-24T11:58:00.001-04:00

Did you make your sponge? Is it bubbling over with yeasty goodness?
First step is already down! Wasn't that easy?!

Let's move on.

From start to finish this process takes about 30 minutes (and that includes waiting 10 minutes for the autolyse).

You need bread flour, all-purpose flour, water, a pinch of yeast, salt, sugar, and of course, your sponge.

Recipe from: Flour Bakery

1 1/2 cups water (360 grams) at body temperature (when you put your finger in it, it should feel neither hot nor cold)
2 cups (280 grams) unbleached all-purpose flour, plus 2 to 3 tablespoons for baking
2 cups (300 grams) bread flour
12 oz (340 grams) (roughly 1 1/4 cup) bread sponge
pinch of active dry yeast
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon sugar

Put the water, 2 cups all purpose flour and bread flour in the mixer (fitted with a dough hook) on low speed for about 1 minute. If the dough doesn't come together after a minute you'll want to add a teeny bit of water. The dough should look shaggy and rough like this:

shaggy dough.

Cover it up with plastic and let it sit for 10 minutes (this is called an autolyse. I just learned about this a few days ago. This process allows the dough to be hydrated and makes for easier mixing down the road.)

Now clean up your mess while you wait for the autolyse so you don't have to clean up later.

Next, add the sponge, yeast, salt and sugar and mix on medium-low speed for about 3-4 minutes. The first time I made this dough I had to stop the mixer a few times and scrape the bowl to get the stuff to mix up. This time I added a teeny bit of water and it mixed up nicely. Either way is fine. Just go with whatever works!

After a few minutes, the dough should be somewhat sticky, but feel smooth (like an earlobe as Joanne writes in her book!). If it is stiffer than this, mix in a tablespoon (or two) of water. If it is too loose, mix in a tablespoon (or two) of flour. If you aren't using a mixer, you will need to spend about 5-6 minutes kneading the bread and get some pretty sweet biceps in the process!

At this point, your dough will look something like this:

a nice smooth ball of earlobe.

Lightly oil (I use olive oil) a large bowl. Transfer the dough to the bowl and turn it once to coat it. Lightly cover the bowl with a piece of oiled plastic wrap and put your little baby to bed for about 2-3 hours in a draft-free, warm (78-82 degrees is perfect) place. I turn my oven on the warm setting (about 200 degrees) and set the bowl on top of the stove. The dough will rise up a little bit (not a whole lot) and it will feel a little loose and relaxed and somewhat sticky.

After the dough has rested for a sufficient amount of time you will want to flour your hands and a clean surface. Turn the dough out and divide it in half (you can use a knife or a bench scraper). Shape each half into a ball by tucking the edges of the dough underneath until you have a nice ball with a taut surface.

Now, wrap the balls up in plastic and put them in a ziploc bag, or put them into oiled bread pans (whatever suits your fancy). Let them sit in the fridge overnight and we'll come back to them in the morning!

Think about this.

You're going to have beautiful, delicious, homemade bread for dinner tomorrow and you've only spent about 1 hour making it so far!

Trust me, it will be worth the wait.

go make some bread.

2011-03-23T17:05:00.001-04:00

There are some ridiculously easy recipes out there for no knead bread. You just mix up some flour, water, yeast and salt and let it sit overnight; pull off a chunk when you need it and bake it up! Seriously simple. The dough can sit in the refrigerator for up to 9 days too!

I’ve been using this recipe for a few months now and I’m pleased. The bread usually turns out just right and who doesn’t love a steamy loaf of freshly baked bread?

I decided to take it up a notch this week and use a recipe from my favorite bakery in Boston. Joanne Chang’s recipe for Country Bread is worth it. Even if you’re not a bread maker, I bet you can make this bread (cause I’m not a bread maker and I just made this bread).

Yes, making good bread takes time. But, you don’t have to sit there and watch the yeast grow or make sure the dough rises. All you have to do is spend about three 20- minute intervals preparing for the best bread of your life. If you make this bread it will totally rock your socks off. Seriously.

I can’t even compare this bread to the no knead bread. It has a very different taste and texture altogether. It may look similar, but don’t let the photo fool you!

I’m going to do three separate posts for this bread because I don’t want you to get overwhelmed. Just do each step as it comes and you will surprise yourself.

First, you need to make a sponge. A sponge makes a big difference here. It only takes a few minutes to make a sponge and you really only have to do it once. After you’ve made the sponge, you just need to “feed” it each day and it will be happy. It will literally last forever. A sponge serves as the base for many great bread recipes and it really adds a ton of flavor to your bread. At Flour bakery it is referred to as “the Mother.”

Here is what my sponge looks like now:

Pretty much looks like a fermented sludge of flour and water.

So, take 10 minutes and make a sponge.

Recipe by: Flour

¾ cup (180 grams) water

1 ¾ cups (175 grams) unbleached all-purpose flour

¼ teaspoon of active dry yeast (SAF red instant yeast works well, I’ve had very consistent results with it! If you buy a big bag of yeast you’ll need to store the extra in the fridge or freezer)

· In a medium bowl, stir together the water, 1 cup (140 grams) of the flour, and the yeast until well mixed and sloshy. Place in a covered container and leave at room temperature for at least 4 hours or up to 8 hours.

· Stir in the remaining ¼ cup (35 grams) flour, which will cause the spoge to stiffen up into a loose dough. Re-cover and leave in the refrigerator overnight.

· Use as directed in individual recipes.

Find a nice breathable container to store the sponge in. I use this container:

My best friend Corrie uses a jar.

argh!

2011-03-23T13:02:00.000-04:00

There's a pirate in my house!

standing!

2011-03-22T14:17:00.000-04:00

Livie is officially standing up on her own.
She thinks she's pretty awesome right now. First she looks around to make sure people are watching and then she stands up, sits back down and claps for herself! It's hysterical!
Go Livie!

joseph

2011-03-21T10:46:00.000-04:00

Our Church community is reading through scripture together during this season of lent and posting responses on a blog. I read the text this morning and wanted to share my thoughts here. Because I don't want to forget. . . .

Reading through the story of Joeseph this morning and I put myself in his shoes for a moment. The weight of betrayal and rejection are heavy on my heart and I am overwhelmed by the painful reality of Joseph’s circumstances. I continue to read through the story and I am struck by Joseph’s perspective. I (the reader) know that God is faithful to redeem Joseph’s life and actually fulfill the dreams and visions he has as a teenager. It is easy for me to trust in the faithfulness of God and rest in him as I look at the broader picture. But Joseph chooses to trust in God’s faithfulness even as he walks through what might be the most painful moment of his life.

Walking through the death of my daughter has been painful. It has forced me to reconsider my views about God and how he works and what he considers good. In the midst of all my questioning and doubt I always come back to the faithfulness of God. One thing stays the same and will never change. God’s faithfulness to generations is written in his word and I can trust that his faithfulness will be the same today. He is constant and steadfast, even when it breaks my heart to believe it.

When I think about what Joseph went through I am shocked to see his response. Sometimes it is difficult to grasp how God’s people can walk through such pain and suffering and still manage to cling to him (without actually knowing what lies ahead). I know now that it has nothing to do with God’s people and everything to do with God. Oftentimes I fear what might come my way and how I could possibly handle any more pain. But I know that God is faithful to give me what I need and I don’t have to worry about what comes my way, because it is only (only. . . only . . only) by the grace of God that I can face my pain and suffering with a joyful heart that trusts in the Hope of glory.

The humility that Joseph shows in the end is a beautiful picture. May we all seek to trust God for all that we need and leave the judgment up to him.

little artist

2011-03-19T12:31:00.002-04:00

Micah found this picture in our stack of magazines and decided he would try to duplicate it. Looks like we have a little budding artist on our hands! The bottom one is kind of faint, but if you look closely you can see that he actually made a pretty good picture!

She's this close

2011-03-18T22:50:00.001-04:00

She'll be walking soon!
(hopefully not before daddy can be here to enjoy it too!)

on justice in the city

2011-03-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

We go on a retreat with our Church every 6 months to reconnect and talk about our mission and vision. We just returned from another retreat and there was a lot of good discussion I don't want to forget. We talked about doing justice in the city and what that means for our community. We brainstormed about ways we can administer justice and seek to restore God's people in a broken world.

Oftentimes, as a mother a two, the work of social justice can seem out of reach and nearly impossible. I have diapers to change, mouths to feed, baths to give and stories to read! Yet, I can't stop thinking about the call. The simple call to love as Christ loves. What does this mean for a busy mother of two young children living in the city?

Honestly? I don't know. I wish I had a great answer that would lift the burden off my heart and cause me to move forward, but this is a weighty issue that requires careful thought and consideration. This is an issue that should radically change the way I live and interact with people all together.

Jesus loves without condition, without bounds, without discrimination and without hesitation. How does that translate in to my life and the people I interact with each day (including my own children!)?

What talents, privileges and powers do I have that can be used for the advancement of others (rather than the advancement of myself)?

If I truly want my life to reflect the glory of God and his redemptive plan for creation, I have to consider my life and be willing to make some drastic changes. Changes that involve uncomfortable adjustments and new perspectives.

At the end of the day I have to be willing to ask the question, what does God want? Does God want me to succeed and accomplish great things, or does God want me to bring people closer to Jesus?

last christmas post

2011-02-28T13:20:00.000-05:00

Here are a few more pictures from Christmas. I wish I had more pictures to post! Livie and Wes are warming up to each other!

This picture is hilarious. Micah and Maddie have the same exact face. They were totally convinced this was the real deal!

Papa took Micah on the carousel at the zoo. He loved it!

Last lunch date before heading back to Boston.

more christmas

2011-02-27T19:00:00.001-05:00

We had such a great time with family this year in Colorado. Micah is really starting to love his cousin, Maddie and they play so well together! By the end of the week they were running around like brother and sister complete with sibling rivalry and make up hugs. They have a very special relationship and we are so thankful we can spend weeks like this together. It has been such a joy to see their little friendship blossom.

Micah and Maddie check out the new baby, Weston and munch on their morning bagels.

Weston is all smiles and hardly ever gets fussy. He will take all the hugs and cuddles he can get! I can't wait to see what kind of friendship develops between Weston and Livia. Oh the fun they will have! Here is a sweet picture of Micah and Wes with Grammy.

Uncle Kevin and Auntie Joni are so much fun! They get a LOT of joy out of celebrating their neices and nephews! We are still working on Kevin and trying to get him out to Boston. We think he would enjoy the city, but only when it's warm! ;) These dolls were hilarious. If you push their belly their mouth opens and they sing a song for you. So funny!

My dad dressed up as Santa again this year and the kids totally believed it! It was precious to see their reactions and excitement over Santa coming to their house! Maddie is not so sure about Santa in this pic, but she warmed right up to him after awhile.

Creating memories and traditions like these has been so much fun!

More pics and stories to come. December, we're not done with you yet! Do you think I can finish by the end of February??

yes

2011-02-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

You must believe in the yes that comes back when you ask, "Do you love me?" You must choose this yes even when you do not experience it.
You feel overwhelmed by the distractions, fantasies, and the disturbing desire to throw yourself into the world of pleasure. But you know already that you will not find there an answer to your deepest question. Nor does the answer lie in rehashing old events, or in guilt or shame. All of that makes you dissipate yourself and leave the rock on which your house is built.
You have to trust the place that is solid, the place where you can say yes to God's love even when you do not feel it. Right now you feel nothing except emptiness and the lack of strength to choose. But keep saying, "God loves me, and God's love is enough." You have to choose the solid place over and over again and return to it after every failure.
- Henri Nouwen

Coming out of a difficult week and choosing to say yes.

this

2011-02-27T07:56:00.001-05:00

I thought we were done with this. I know it's only the end of February, but it's been a long winter in the city and my kids are going stir crazy!
Suggestions for inside activities for active 4 year olds are welcome!

rainy day

2011-02-25T16:51:00.001-05:00

Rainy day love. These two make me smile.

spring

2011-02-18T19:10:00.000-05:00

Days like this are a good reminder that spring is coming! That's especially nice when you are still up to your ears in ice and snow!

Denver

2011-02-12T08:21:00.000-05:00

Livia and I flew in to Denver before heading down to CO Springs for New Year's this year. We spent some good time with my dear friend, "Auntie Corrie" and all I have to show for it is this picture of Livia in her kitchen sink!

I can assure you that good times were had though. Good food and good talks = good times!

Auntie Corrie will be coming to Boston for a visit in a few weeks! We are looking forward to some more time and some better pics!

christmas

2011-02-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

Christmas did happen for us this year. We enjoyed a really low key Christmas morning/day with our little family of four. Chris and I had a special Christmas Eve together and then woke up with the kids the following morning to open presents and make crepes. It was fun to celebrate Christmas at home and create some new traditions!

Getting ready to open gifts!

Yummy morning brunch!

We bought each child a "big" gift and then one or two smaller gifts. Micah is loving his electric train set (and so are the guys in the house!) and Livia loves her activity table.

It's hard to believe another Christmas has come and gone. I wonder what this next year will hold...

family

2011-02-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

My sister in law took some fun photos of us while we were in CO for Christmas. These are a few of my favorites!

caught

2011-02-08T17:55:00.001-05:00

just another morning...

snowy days in boston

2011-02-03T14:00:00.001-05:00

coming out

2011-02-03T13:34:00.001-05:00

We're coming out of a rough few weeks of sinus infections, pink eye and nasty coughs. Thankful today for my health.
I took this picture awhile ago when we had one of our first big storms. Livia is such a daredevil! She cried and cried until I put her on the sled. Then it was all smiles.
The weather here (and everywhere else!) is crazy. There is no room in Boston for more snow. And yet, there are still more storms to come.
Hopefully I can post more soon about life with the Stroups!

Jojo

2011-01-13T18:02:00.002-05:00

My sister (aunt jojo) has quarterly training in New Jersey and she usually tries to get her flight into or out of Boston while on the East Coast. She was able to do that a few weeks ago right before Christmas. It was a fun, but quick little visit!

Livie is learning to say "jojo," it is soooo cute!

Micah loves to hang with Aunt Jojo! She is so great with the kids and they absolutely adore her!

Not a great photo, but we went to the aquarium and Micah was loving this fish exhibit!

Really wish we lived closer!

Tummy woes

2011-01-13T08:00:00.003-05:00

I just recently discovered that my body is rejecting all things dairy (all of a sudden). So, I've had to learn a new way of eating and it's definitely challenging me. I usually have something dairy (cheese, milk, butter, yogurt) with every meal! I made this pasta the other day and it was surprisingly good.

They had these heirloom tomatoes on sale at Trader Joe's and I couldn't resist.

Aren't they cute?

I threw them in to a bowl and seasoned with sea salt, garlic and pepper and let it marinate for a little while.

While the tomatoes marinated I started cooking some pasta. Then, took some big fat pieces of basil, cut them up and threw them in to my tomatoes (yeah, I didn't use the wilted pieces, don't worry!).

Next, I chopped up some garlic and sauted it with some olive oil. Then I drained my pasta, reserving about a 1/4 cup of the starchy water, and mixed it right into the pan with the garlic and oil; gave it a good swirl and seasoned with a little S + P (again, to taste).

Crumble some goat cheese over the top (goat cheese works for me because it has less dairy than other cheese. . . ..thank goodness!)

Threw it all into a big bowl and tossed with the marinated tomatoes.

Easy peasy!!

Thanksgiving at the IFH

2011-01-12T16:52:00.002-05:00

We had another successful Thanksgiving at the IFH this year! I made 3 Turkeys and all were well received. I told myself I wasn't going to do that again, but I couldn't help myself. Thanksgiving is a special holiday and I'm so happy to share it with these guys from around the world. We had about 30 people in attendance and all the food was a big hit!

I had some great help in the kitchen and couldn't have done it without the help this year! I enlisted the help of our neighborhood group and we cranked out some delicious mashed potatoes, cranberry stuffing and apple pie. It was fun to be in the kitchen with some great friends!

Ben had to have a Turkey leg

Gorgeous Turkeys ready for carving!

This is just a shot I took before cooking to show how ginormous these Turkeys were. In fact, they were SO ginormous that I couldn't cook them all the way through in time. We ended up deconstructing them after a few hours to try to speed up the cooking time. Good times!

Gobble Gobble.

Micah's First Christmas Pageant

2010-12-19T21:10:00.001-05:00

Micah's school put on this cute little production for Christmas this week. Yep, I was one of those parents that brought along the video camera. I just couldn't resist. He was so cute!

Enjoy!

Advent

2010-12-07T14:09:00.005-05:00

The season of Advent is upon us and this year, more than ever, I sense a deep longing for the coming of our King. Advent always serves as a great reminder that Christ is coming for us and we should set our hearts and minds on him.

But, this year is different for me. There are so many things about this world that aren't right; our world is broken and full of suffering. Oh how I deeply long for Jesus to come and take his place. I long for him to wipe away the tears and make us whole again!

Losing Mia has only heightened this awareness and deepened this longing. Yes, this season of Advent I am painfully aware that life without Jesus means life without Hope and peace and eternal joy.

A few days ago I was in the car discussing the meaning of Advent with Micah and how we are waiting, anticipating and expecting. I told him about the first coming of Jesus and how we are waiting for the second coming. We discussed how Jesus will come again and we will be taken to heaven. His eyes got really big and he gladly exclaimed, "Mommy! We will go to heaven to be with Mia and I will hug her so tight, but I will be very gentle because she is just a baby and then I won't hug her that long because you will want to hug her. . . . ."

Such a beautiful reminder of the joy and Hope that we have in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Mom

2010-11-23T21:36:00.001-05:00

My mom came to town a few weekends ago for a quick visit. We had some much needed mother daughter time and Grammy got some good cuddle time in with the kids!

Snuggle by the fire. . . . .

Thanks for the quick visit Grammy!

A baby shower

2010-11-21T14:06:00.002-05:00

A few weekends ago I helped host a baby shower for a dear friend. Our friendship has grown deeper over the past few months and I am so thankful for her. It was a joy to celebrate her motherhood and the gift of life.

This cake was fun to bake and really fun to decorate! I think I am slowly gaining the reputation of "cake lady" at our Church. What can I say? I love to bake and experiment with cake decorating. My decorating has room for improvement, but I think I have found some great cake recipes!

The top layer was a yellow cake with chocolate espresso cream and chocolate buttercream frosting. Bottom layer was the infamous chocolate cake I made for Ben and Monica's wedding but this time with hazlenut cream filling instead of cream cheese. I have to be honest and say that the cream cheese frosting is better for the chocolate cake (in my opinion; though they are both great!). A nice smooth texture with the dark, rich chocolate makes for a perfect combo!

I also dabble a bit in diaper cake making. . . . . .

My wonderful Mother helped me with this one!

Funny Shot

2010-11-20T13:20:00.001-05:00

As is evidenced by the new blog "look" I have been editing and looking through my photos on this lazy Saturday morning.

This has got to be the funniest picture I have come across so far. . . .

Oh my.

My favorite Runner

2010-11-12T22:21:00.001-05:00

Chris has become quite the runner! He has finally fully recovered from a running injury and has developed quite the running regimen! He ran a half marathon a few weeks ago in Lowell and totally rocked it!

It was another chilly morning!

The cheering squad!

Big Finish!

We were so proud of our runner!

Halloween part 2

2010-11-11T22:32:00.000-05:00

Yep. I'm afraid our Halloween pictures are downright terrible this year! We didn't get home from Church until 6:30pm and by then both kids were in serious meltdown mode. We had about 30 minutes of trick or treating on our street and then rushed home to get to bed!

Our little "football man" and sweet Tiger.

Micah shows off his loot. . . .which he has conveniently forgot about. :)

Halloween part 1

2010-11-11T10:27:00.000-05:00

Grandma and Grandpa Stroup sent these matching Jammies. Micah was thrilled to discover they glow in the dark!

I made cupcakes for our pumpkin carving party.

and popcorn balls! Chris tied them all for me. Aren't they cute?

Micah and Chris are carving a scary pumpkin. haha. They won the "funny" pumpkin category!

Apple Pie Success!!

2010-11-10T22:15:00.001-05:00

Haven't really baked many pies in my lifetime, but every time I bake a pie with a homemade crust it is a total failure. Not this year. I have finally succeeded in baking an apple pie with a poofy, golden brown crust. Woot!

Just in time for Thanksgiving!

Mayor's Cup

2010-11-09T21:15:00.000-05:00

Chris and I both ran in the Mayor's Cup this year. We had a great time and Micah and Livia were the best cheerleaders! Our dear friend, Suzanne (or as Micah would say, Zuzanne) took the kids for us while we ran.

Chris smoked me coming in at just under 24 minutes. I discovered that the first year I ran the race I actually did not run the whole race! (oops!) This year I ran the whole race and my time improved by 3 whole minutes! I finished at 29 minutes, my fastest 5K yet!

It was a chili October morning and as you can see, Livia was ready for it!

Finding a common interest that we can pursue together has been a fun experience! Here's to many more races!

Time for posting. . . .

2010-11-09T16:55:00.002-05:00

Has it really been a month since I posted anything? Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching and my brain is still somewhere back in August. I really can't believe we're half way in to the month of November! Seriously. Where did the time go? I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how it is the middle of November.

Lots of fun updates. I'll be working on those tonight. Halloween parties, baby shower cakes and a Grammy visit!

The Farm

2010-10-16T21:00:00.001-04:00

We spent a much needed family day at a farm picking apples, pumpkins and eating cider donuts! :)

Livia enjoyed picking out a pumpkin. . . .

The obligatory family pumpkin patch photo. (nice face, Micah!)

Micah was really proud of all his BIG, red, shiny ones!

Our little farmer. (Note the awesome flannel from Uncle Mark and Aunt Ashley!)

Peek a boo

2010-10-14T23:15:00.001-04:00

Captured this sweet video today.

Taking time to savor these moments is a challenge sometimes. Life gets busy and it can be easy to race through each day without enjoying special moments like these. I always have to remind myself that I'm really going to miss this one day.

Fall Retreat

2010-10-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

we took the guys up to New Hampshire for our annual Fall retreat this past weekend. It was a great time to get away, relax and enjoy nature! Micah was absolutely loving it! Poor little city kid. . . . .

He spent every day running around in fields of leaves, chasing after balls and rolling down green fields. The kid just couldn't get enough!

The weather was perfect. We couldn't have asked for more amazing weather! The leaves were turning, the air was brisk, and the sun was out!

Micah absolutely loves all his IFH Uncles. They are so sweet to take care of him and come along side of us as we raise him. We are blessed.

Livie likes to stay close to Mama and enjoy the ride. She is slowly warming up to all the guys in the house, but she is truly a Mommy and Daddy's girl.

30 is the new 25

2010-10-12T21:51:00.003-04:00

Chris turned 30 on October 6th. We like to say that 30 is the new 25. I can't believe we're turning 30 this year! (sigh) Seems like yesterday we were two college kids. . .

Well, Chris is still a kid at heart and he still LOVES candy (what can I say? He is a Stroup!). I thought long and hard about what kind of cake I should make for the love of my life and I kept thinking candy, candy, candy!

So, here it is. A candy cake.

I am truly blessed to be married to this 30 year old man. He loves me, serves me and blesses me every day. I am so thankful for his friendship and love. Happy Birthday, babe!

BTW. It tasted REALLY good (if I do say so myself!).

curls

2010-09-26T22:30:00.002-04:00

See these?

These are Livia's curls. I love them.

See this face?

This is Livia's sad face. I love it.

Long night

2010-09-23T09:16:00.005-04:00

You know those days when you wake up and think my baby did NOT sleep last night?! Then after you go over the night in your head you realize your baby actually did sleep, but that two hours in the middle of the night really put a damper on your sleep.Well, last night Livia actually did NOT sleep. Literally. She kicked and kicked all night long and couldn't get comfortable.

We finally stripped her down to her diaper at 5am, gave her some milk and she slept for 2 hours. She is now staring at me with her big blue eyes and a huge toothy grin. There are huge bags under each eye and I'm thinking we might BOTH go down for a nap this morning.

Chris took Micah to school and said I should take a nap with Livia and not feel guilty. Trouble is I can't go back to bed after I've just woken up.

I'm sipping on a cappuccino that I made myself and hoping it will give me the energy I need to get ready for our big cleaning day this weekend, attend a meeting tonight, catch up on house correspondence, figure out some accounting glitches and spend time playing with my kiddos.

Better reconsider that nap.

Life is so sweet at this age. Eat. Sleep. Play. That's how we roll.

Just another day. . . .

2010-09-22T09:52:00.001-04:00

I made some chocolate cake for the board meeting yesterday.

Forgot how mobile my little girl has become.

Found her in the trash eating some old green beans.

she was pretty proud of herself.

Micah is loving school. My camera wasn't working on his first day, here is a picture of his 3rd day. His teachers love him! Of course they do, duh?!

Everybody loved the chocolate cake, by the way. Got the recipe from my favorite cooking blog. Smitten kitchen. Check it out here. You won't be sorry!

Goblin story and International Students

2010-09-16T20:45:00.005-04:00

My dad tells the best stories. Recently he came for a short visit and read out of a book called "Little Bear's Visit"

In this book there is a story (within a story) called "Goblin Story"

Ever since Papa read that story, Micah has asked for it nearly every day. He has become so enthralled with it that he actually has the story memorized!

*Now, before you start thinking I buy books on Goblins for my 3 year old son I must point out that this book was donated by the neighbor.*

I don't know what it is about this story that completely draws Micah in, but he LOVES to read it and every time we read the story it's like we are reading it for the first time. A goblin sees a cave and hears a thump. He gets scared and runs right out of his shoes. He runs faster and faster and discovers there is a pitter patter right behind him. He runs as fast as he can and jumps into a tree that has a hole in it. He finally gets the courage to peek out and there are his shoes, waiting for him. Micah squeals with delight each time we read it.

Just last night Micah was reading this book with one of our residents from Australia. We've never had an Australian Resident for an extended period of time, so his accent is new for Micah. As I listened from my apartment I could hear Micah enjoying the story but every so often he would correct this guy; as if he were reading the wrong word.

It made me think about the unique experience of growing up in a home like ours. Micah is constantly surrounded by different languages, cultures and traditions. What an incredible opportunity we have to expose him to a life outside of our own.

There are days when living among 20 international students seems overwhelming and exhausting. But there are also days like yesterday when I discover the beauty of living in community with those from different cultures and ethnicities. I pray that Micah will continue to enjoy fellowship with those that are different from him (and even those that read the Goblin Story differently!) and ultimately gain a love and respect for all kinds of people

I think for the first time since we've been in Boston I am truly excited about the life and ministry we have at the International Fellowship House. Our first year I was completely overwhelmed with learning all the intricacies of running the IFH and last year I was completely overwhelmed with Livia's birth and Mia's death.

This year is different. I feel confident I know what I'm doing and I've learned what to expect. I've also learned to relax and have the freedom to make this "our house."

We have an amazing group of guys living here now and we are already seeing great enthusiasm for this community.

We know that we have been given an incredible opportunity to demonstrate Christ's love and care for his people. We are trusting God for patience, wisdom and perseverance to love them well and ultimately inspire a love for the one who loved them first.

Here's to another year!

It's hard to believe. . . .

2010-09-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

One year ago

Livie was just under 4 pounds, living in the NICU.

Her sister was also born that day.

We remember her and missed her so much as we celebrated this birthday. We released a balloon for her and had a moment to reflect. Close friends who have walked with us from the beginning stood with us in silence as we watched the balloon float away.

It was a special time for us to celebrate Livia and remember Amelie. This birthday was much harder than I anticipated it would be, but we had so many that stood with us, sent us cards and flowers and helped us hold our joy and grief in the same moment. Thank you everybody for your loving support over the past week!
Happy Birthday to my girls!

Happy 1st Birthday!

2010-09-14T20:25:00.001-04:00

Lots of pink for this little girl. . . .

Beautiful one year old face!

Yep. Her very own cupcake!

Don't worry. She survived! No sugar coma afterward.

one week.

2010-09-04T12:17:00.000-04:00

We are getting ready to celebrate Livia’s birthday one week from today. One year of cooing, smiling, rolling, laughing, crying, teething, babbling and crawling. I look back on this past year and I am amazed, overwhelmed, overjoyed and fearful. Honestly? I don’t want to celebrate Livia’s birthday. I don’t want to mark this huge milestone of her life without Mia. My heart is (once again) torn between a desire to celebrate life and a deep sadness over loss of life. The month of August has been difficult as I reflect on this time last year. I remember the fear, the joy, the pain and I must admit; it hurts. My heart aches as I remember the month of August in 2009.

The dichotomy of emotion continues to challenge me as I struggle to embrace my joy and sorrow all at once. All of my life I have experienced both joy and sorrow, but they have always seemed separate. For the first time in my life I am faced with both emotions at one time and it proves to be a complicated task again and again. I have thought to myself many times: why not just embrace these emotions separately? They cannot be held together, it is impossible. Yet, I find myself faced with moments where both emotions are very present. The joy over Livia’s new found skill of crawling reminds me that Mia is not here to crawl beside her.

There have been such moments of loneliness in the midst of my grief. And I have cried out to God in disappointment more times than I can count. That is when I am reminded of the God who sees it all through my eyes. The God who hurts with me at the sight of a car loaded up with two brand new car seats. The God who feels the pain with me and promises to hold it for me.

So, here’s to celebrating Livia’s first year of life with joy, but also remembering Mia’s absence and the pain it causes.

It's official

2010-08-31T23:03:00.002-04:00

Livie is crawling! As you can see in the video: after a few "gentle" nudges from her big brother, she's off! I love to see my kids interact. It's so fun to see Micah's excitement over the little milestones and Livia's joy over her brother's pride.

Seattle, Part 1

2010-08-25T13:22:00.000-04:00

Just returned from a 1 1/2 week visit to Seattle area with the family. My brother has access to a beautiful cabin right on the Hood Canal. We slept in (as much as you can sleep in with two kids), played in the water and laid on the deck. It was a true vacation and we are already looking forward to next year!

My brother, Josh, with Livia.

Micah loves seeing his cousin, Maddie. They really bonded this trip! I flew out a few days early with Micah and Livie in order to adjust and get some extra cousin time. I'm so glad we did. We had a great few extra days with my brother and his family!

We also got to meet Weston, Josh and Sarah's newest addition! He is super cute and cuddly!

LOVE this pic. I think both of our children look like us and it cracks me up!

I have tons more pictures to sort through and post over the next few days. I'm so thankful for a restful time away from the busyness of life!

11 Months!

2010-08-24T21:14:00.002-04:00

11 months as of August 11!

It seems like every time I turn around Livia is testing something new or learning something new. She is not officially crawling, but she has discovered a new way to get around. She scoots from place to place now and moves from belly to sitting. I should really get it on video. It's pretty funny! I really don't think she wants to crawl. Scooting suits her fine.

She weighs a hefty 17 pounds now. Last time we went to the doc we discovered that she had gained 3 pounds in 2 months. This girl likes to eat!

She sits up in her high chair now and loves it. We feed her cheerios, blueberries, bananas, oatmeal, cheese and much more. She hasn't refused anything yet! Even when she doesn't really like something she just keeps eating it! This girl loves to smile and always wakes up a in a good mood. She is starting to interact more with Micah and they are becoming great buddies. I can't believe we are getting ready to celebrate 1 year.

Happy 11 months sweet girl!

August 12, 2010

2010-08-20T16:00:00.004-04:00

We have been on vacation the past few weeks in Seattle. During that time we remembered the anniversary of Mia's death. Here are some thoughts I wrote out that day but didn't have a chance to post.

August 12, 2010

Last night I dreamt that Mia was born healthy, with dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. She had a smile just like her sister and a little dimple on her right cheek. The girls were so happy playing together, learning how to crawl and babble. My heart was full and I remember feeling such relief. It was as if I were aware that we had lost Mia, but in this dream I had her back. Relief washed over me as I realized I could now go to the park and see other moms with twins without feeling sadness. I could now hear the word “twins” and not feel that ache in my heart. It was so wonderful to think about the future now. To think that I didn’t have to pass through the rest of this life longing to have my girls grow together. I felt alive and energetic again. Ready to take on the world. The dream was so vivid and my emotions were so real. It’s odd to describe it, but I felt like God hit the rewind button and we started over again. All the pain of losing Mia was gone and we were living life with her.

I woke up feeling deep sadness once again over this loss of life. There are days when I wonder where all the heartache comes from. Sometimes I feel as though I am holding on to something that was just a part of my imagination. I feel as though my grief isn’t real and my child never was. There are few memories to speak of and the only pictures I have are painful images of her lifeless body. I think it is easy for most people to focus on Livia and the joy and beauty she brings to our family. This too is true for us, but we also see Mia and there are times it overwhelms us. Times like today, exactly one year later, when we remember her feisty little kicks inside my belly and her beautiful little silhouette on the ultrasound.

There are empty spaces that only she could fill and we will forever grieve her absence from them. This past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. It has also been one of the most joyful. God has given me more of himself then I have ever experienced in my lifetime and this is something beautiful. The pain and the sorrow have allowed me to experience the deepest joy I have ever felt. I would trade it all in to have my little girl back, for my heart has not yet fully taken hold of the deep satisfaction that only Christ can give, but I continue to pray and trust in the one who gives me life and breath for each moment.

He has begun a work in me that will continue to change me and turn my mourning into dancing. Until then, my heart cries out for his return and anxiously awaits my permanent home.

We miss our sweet girl. We remember her today and look forward to a day when our dreams are no longer dreams.

Our Big Boy

2010-07-30T21:21:00.002-04:00

Chris has recently taken to the art of shaving. Seriously. He told me the other day that shaving is not just "something you do every day" it is actually an art. OK babe. It's an art.
He purchased this old fashioned shaving stuff and now uses it daily. It's a new daily ritual.
Well, Micah thinks this is just super cool. He loves to watch Chris shave in front of the mirror and asks him if he can try it.

We've been trying really hard to get Micah to stay in bed lately and we've found that little incentives seem to work well. Chris found this pretend shaver kit and it was just the trick!
Micah stayed in bed right away when he saw what the reward would be!
Shaving just like daddy!

Micah is really in to the big boy stuff lately! He likes to do all sorts of big boy things. He helps me out around the house and often helps with Livia. It's nice to have a little helper around the house!

Just today I was making the bed by myself (usually Chris helps me in the morning) and he rushes over and says, Mommy! Do you need some help? Sometimes when somebody's at work some big boy has got to help the woman! haha! I just love my big boy!

10 Months

2010-07-24T13:26:00.000-04:00

Late again. Livia is 10 months old!
She is starting to show some interest in crawling, but has not quite made the plunge!
She has a few new teeth and (as you can see from the pic!) she is finally starting to get a good tuft of hair on top!

Here you can see her little teeth on the bottom. She also has about 4 up top!

Livia says Dada all the time which totally melts Chris' heart! She recently started saying Mama, which is nice too! This little girl keeps us busy, for sure! A very welcome addition to this family.
Happy 10 months little girl!

DONE!

2010-07-20T16:46:00.001-04:00

Well, the wedding has come and gone and the cake turned out beautifully! After hours of smoothing and 4 different buttercream recipes we finally ended up with a decent wedding cake!
smoothing process (hours, literally, hours!)

Final touches (the best part!).

Lookin pretty good if I do say so myself!!

My PIC (parter in crime) so proud!

Chris has made me vow not to bake for at least 1 month. Any mention of wedding cake or cake in general just might make him cry.

I can't finish this post without thanking Chris for his patience, encouragement and genorosity in caring for our children during the process. It was a fun experience, but not one I which to duplicate any time soon. ;)

Sneak Peek

2010-07-16T21:27:00.000-04:00

The wedding is tomorrow. And oh my! I think we have officially decided there is NOT a future in wedding cake business for this girl! The cake is nearly complete. I have a few more touch ups to do in the morning and then the dreaded practice run. After that it's the real deal. It's show time.

Baked

2010-07-13T17:34:00.001-04:00

The cake is baked! Oh yeah, we are moving right along now! I feel much better now that this task has been completed. What a whirlwind! I know that in my last post I told you I was going to introduce you to my partner in crime. Suzanne (aka: Riddle on the Run). Yep, she will always be Riddle on the Run to me! I met her right before she started training for the Boston Marathon. She ran that race and finished in memory of her amazing Mother in Law. What an accomplishment! It wasn't long after that run that we discovered our mutual love for baking. And the rest is history.. . . . .

Unfortunately,
Amy + Suzanne + Kitchen = DANGER
We've been known to have a few kitchen disasters whilst baking together.
Like chocolate chip cookies that don't taste right or coffee cake that doesn't have any sugar in it.
In other words, we get a little chatty and that can be dangerous!

Well, we knew that this was going to be strictly business. So, we buckled down and got it done.
Meet my partner in crime. Suzanne Riddle (or Koefoed, whichever you prefer)

Two double batches later.. . . . .(don't be fooled by the picture, those bowls are freakin huge!)

One HUGE mess. . . .

And this 9x!!

The cake is now resting nicely in the freezer. Wrapped about a gazillion times to prevent condensation. It will live there until Friday when I pull it out to ice and stack. YIKES.

I cannot forget to mention my dear friend Sarah, who graciously washed all of our dishes during this process. LOVE her! (I love her anyways, but she just gained some serious points!)

Mission Complete

2010-07-07T22:31:00.001-04:00

Step 1: find the perfect cake recipe

I spent a lot of time searching for the perfect cake recipe. It takes a special kind of cake to hold up to the flipping, flopping and frosting that a wedding cake requires!

After trying 3 different recipes (this was not Chris's favorite part of the process. . . . . .the first cake tasted fine to him. . . .as did the second and third), I finally landed on one and I am thrilled with the results! The cake is moist and chocolatey (is that a word?) and tastes even better with a layer of cream cheese frosting (per Monica's request) in the middle!

I cleaned this sucker out about 10 times in the process.

Triple layer cake, ready to freeze!

Tomorrow I will introduce you to my partner in crime, Suzanne. She's helping me bake the bottom layers tomorrow. We're going to test out some buttercream icing recipes that will create a smooth looking surface without using fondant, because the last fondant cake I made started to melt in the heat and I'm not about to risk that on a wedding cake!

Chris and Micah are in Illinois this week visiting his parents and grandparents. They left yesterday and it feels like they've been gone for a week! I finished my accounting projects, cleaned the house and organized my board meeting files in one afternoon. That was after a Costco run and before an impromptu trip to the Prudential Center with my good friend Sarah and her little newbie, Henry! I feel super accomplished, but I really MISS my boys!

Aunt Jo

2010-07-02T13:54:00.001-04:00

You know what I LOVE about my sister's job? The headquarters is located in New Jersey. . . .a short bus ride from Boston. That means regular visits from Aunt Jo!
Joni hung out with us last week. We played at the park, went shopping and she watched the kids for us while we attended a marriage seminar.

I just love her. Thanks for the visit sister!